Why Some Pupils Don’t Ask for Help — And What Schools Can Do About It

It’s no secret that there is growing recognition of the importance of pupil mental health and emotional wellbeing in schools. Teachers, pastoral teams, and senior leaders are more aware than ever that children face complex challenges - but awareness is only one piece of the puzzle.

According to recent data 32% of pupils do not feel comfortable asking for help when it comes to their emotions or mental health. That’s nearly one in three children who may be silently struggling without support.

This figure is not just a statistic - it represents a significant risk to safeguarding, emotional development, and academic engagement. But why is this the case? Why do so many young people hold back from seeking the support they need? And what can schools do to change this?

The Invisible Barrier: Why Pupils Don’t Speak Up

There are many interwoven reasons why pupils choose not to ask for help with their emotional wellbeing. These include psychological, social, and environmental factors - many of which are not always visible to adults.

1. Fear of Judgment or Stigma

Despite growing awareness around mental health, many pupils still fear being seen as "weak," "dramatic," or" attention-seeking" for expressing distress. Social norms among peer groups can play a powerful role in discouraging vulnerability. Pupils may fear that asking for help could lead to teasing, isolation, or being treated differently by teachers.

2. Not Recognising Their Own Needs

Some pupils don’t ask for help because they haven’t yet developed the emotional literacy to understand that what they’re feeling is valid and deserving of support. They may believe their emotions are "just part of growing up" or assume that others have it worse.

3. Previous Negative Experience

Children and young people remember how adults respond to their distress. If they've been dismissed in the past, told to "get on with it," or if their concerns were handled insensitively, they may learn that asking for help is ineffective or even unsafe.

4. Confusion About Where or How to Get Help

Even in schools with strong pastoral systems, students may not know who to turn to or how to initiate a conversation about emotional wellbeing. Unclear referral routes, inconsistent relationships with staff, or uncertainty about confidentiality can all act as barriers.

5. Cultural and Family Expectations

In some cultures or family environments, discussing mental health is not common, or may even be discouraged. Pupils from these backgrounds might feel additional pressure to keep emotional struggles to themselves, believing it would bring shame or worry to their families.

The Risk of Silence

The cost of this silence can be significant. When pupils internalise stress, anxiety, sadness, or trauma without support, it can lead toa cascade of consequences: chronic disengagement from learning, behaviour issues, school refusal, self-harm, and, in some cases, crisis-level safeguarding needs.

Schools are often the first line of defence - and when young people aren’t coming forward, systems need to be in place to catch what the eye can’t see.

What Schools Can Do to Make It Safer to Speak

The good news is that there is a great deal schools can do to create a culture where students feel safe, seen, and supported.

1. Normalise Talking About Emotions

When emotional health is regularly discussed in classrooms -not just during wellbeing weeks or PSHE lessons - it becomes part of the school culture. Teachers and school leaders can model emotional literacy, show vulnerability appropriately, and actively encourage open dialogue.

2. Train Staff to Spot Hidden Signs

Not all distress looks like distress. Staff training in trauma-informed approaches, emotional cues, and silent signals can help teachers notice when a student might be struggling without verbalising it.

3. Collect Wellbeing Data

Platforms like BounceTogether allow schools to collect data from pupils, giving them a voice even when they don’t feel ready to speak face-to-face. These tools help identify individuals or cohorts who need support, even when they haven’t come forward.

4. Create Multiple Access Points for Support

Some pupils may not feel comfortable speaking to a teacher, but might talk to a pastoral lead, school nurse, or trained peer mentor. Schools should make sure there are several, clearly communicated ways for pupils to reach out.

5. Celebrate and Support Peer-Led Initiatives

Pupils often open up more readily to each other. Structured programmes like SWAP (Student Wellbeing Ambassador Programme) train students in wellbeing and behaviour change techniques, enabling them to support peers and lead campaigns that shift culture from within.

6. Close the Feedback Loop

When pupils do reach out, follow-up matters. A pupil who shares something important needs to see that they were heard and that it led to something tangible. This builds trust and encourages future help-seeking - both for them and for those around them who are watching.

A Human Story Behind Every Data Point

At BounceTogether, we regularly hear from schools using our platform who discover unexpected needs through wellbeing surveys - including pupils who were known for "keeping it together" or had never shown outward signs of distress.

To bring this to life, we've shared three short, anonymised student stories that illustrate what these hidden needs can look like:

Olivia, a quiet, academically "on track" pupil whose survey responses revealed deep feelings of isolation and disconnection.

Mohammad, a Year 9 pupil receiving support, whose data showed that the intervention wasn't helping as intended - prompting a new, more effective approach.

Ethan, a KS2 pupil who triggered an alert with a single, honest response. It led to a safeguarding disclosure no one had seen coming.

These pupils weren’t flagged by attendance, behaviour, or existing safeguarding concerns. But their wellbeing responses told a different story - and gave their schools the insight to respond with care and purpose.

Their stories show that the question isn’t whether pupils are struggling—it's whether we have systems in place to hear them.

Read the full stories of Olivia, Muhammad, and Ethan - here.

When we give pupils more ways to be heard, we give them a better chance of thriving.

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